Yesterday was our 2 year wedding anniversary and even all I have been through only 5 days from surgery I was still thinking about food! My head kept telling me “Oh it’s a special occasion there must be something yummy you can eat?”. The whole day I knew we were going to see a movie and I was visualizing the candy bar in my head asking myself “What can I eat that will turn to liquid instantly?”.

I have come to realize that food for me is not just physical it is mental. I need food for comfort, for celebration and for boredom. Food consumes my life!

We went to the movies and I decided on ice cream as that can turn to liquid instantly and after a lot of thought added Maltesers to my list because they are easy to suck into nothing along with those I ordered a medium Pepsi. I got Marc to eat the top of my choc-top and I ate the ice-cream until it got to the cone and I realised I couldn’t go any further so I gave it to Marc. During the movie I sucked on 4 Maltesers and drank around 7 sips of Pepsi, not even 1/4 of the cup! After the movie ended I realised I really need to change my ways. Enjoying myself is not about food, we were there to see a movie that went for 1.5 hours … am I really that bad that I can’t go 1.5 hours without thinking of ways to slip junk food down my band?

I always thought the people who blended up Mars Bars and Cheeseburgers were crazy! But honestly I understand where there heads are. Food is emotional and mental it is not physical. I am not hungry at all so really I am only eating out of habit and cravings!

All of these things are learning curves and I am sure I will have many more in the future. I can’t expect to change a lifetime of habits in 5 days. My relationship with food needs to change and I am going to work really hard to change it.